Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
