Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Randomize
