i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
