That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
