I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
