You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
