Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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