Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
