erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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