I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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