It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
