I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
