I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
