Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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