I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i now understand why vodka
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
