now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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