I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
