oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
