Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
