never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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