Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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