Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
