..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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