this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
