at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The air taste purple.
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