I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
