I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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