So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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