I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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