At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
