I cannot find my penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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