Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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