Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
