As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
