I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
