"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
