If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
