The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
