Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
