Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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