You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
