Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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