Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
