I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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