my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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