theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
