i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
