Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
