I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
