I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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