I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
whose ass print is on the piano?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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