The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
