just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
