Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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