Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize