how can u be prego again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
