Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
