escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
