I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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