i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
