no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize