woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
