I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
