she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
