How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We are all done wearing pants today
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
