yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
