Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So much Jack, so little girl.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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