Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
