Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
