had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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