I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
