to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
