Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
