this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize