i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
