After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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