dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
