You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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