I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
