I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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