carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
