He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
