im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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